 |
 | Home | Contact Us | FAQ | Search & Site Map | Link to Us |
 | Sign In | Join | Other 45 Sites in Network |
| HomeArticlesDiving DestinationsLearning Scuba DivingMarine LifeMiscellaneousDiscussion GroupsGeneralScuba EquipmentScuba LocationsAustralian ScubaUK ScubaDirectoryScuba Clubs |
Scuba Forum / UK Scuba / November 2004Jokes
Lets lighten the mood a little:- A cabbie picks up a Nun. The Nun gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you". She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive." "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: No1, you have to be single and No2, you must be Catholic." The cab driver is very excited and says, "! Yes, I'm single and Catholic!" "OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley." The nun fulfils his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child," said the nun, "why are you crying?" "Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish." The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm going to a Fancy Dress party." Pete S. <spamPetespam@spamderwentspamelec.spamclara.spamco.spamuk> spluttered indignantly: > Lets lighten the mood a little:- Lets not. Lets stay on-topic for uk.rec.scuba, see the charter for details. rec.humor.funny is down the hall.  Signature____________________________________________________________________ Pete Young pete@antipope.dot.org Remove .dot to reply "Just another crouton, floating on the bouillabaisse of life" >Pete S. <spamPetespam@spamderwentspamelec.spamclara.spamco.spamuk> spluttered indignantly: >> Lets lighten the mood a little:- > >Lets not. Lets stay on-topic for uk.rec.scuba, see the charter >for details. rec.humor.funny is down the hall. Oh well, in that case I'll go back to being a miserable fu***er. Doom gloom doom gloom doom gloom. Is that better? More in line with the charter? Pete S. > >Lets not. Lets stay on-topic for uk.rec.scuba, see the charter > >for details. rec.humor.funny is down the hall. [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > Doom gloom doom gloom doom gloom. Is that better? More in line with > the charter? Pete it would have been OK if you has portrayed the guy as being a diver and not a taxi driver, or maybe we had a diving nun also. On second thought let's not go there. Steve >> >Lets not. Lets stay on-topic for uk.rec.scuba, see the charter >> >for details. rec.humor.funny is down the hall. [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] >and not a taxi driver, or maybe we had a diving nun also. On second >thought let's not go there. A diving Nun? Now there's a thought..... La la la la la la .... Pete S. > >Pete it would have been OK if you has portrayed the guy as being a diver > >and not a taxi driver, or maybe we had a diving nun also. On second > >thought let's not go there. > > > A diving Nun? Now there's a thought..... La la la la la la .... Pete take a cold shower immediately!!! Steve "Pete S." <spamPetespam@spamderwentspamelec.spamclara.spamco.spamuk> ... > >Pete it would have been OK if you has portrayed the guy as being a diver > >and not a taxi driver, or maybe we had a diving nun also. On second > >thought let's not go there. > A diving Nun? Now there's a thought..... La la la la la la .... Stop it Pete - you'll start getting into bad habits. K >"Pete S." <spamPetespam@spamderwentspamelec.spamclara.spamco.spamuk> ... > [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > >Stop it Pete - you'll start getting into bad habits. What? A wet suit with a wimple? This is starting to go down some well trodden trails into an Hallo Hallo sketch.... Pete S. Bet you a bacon buttie Pete Young is a BSAC D.O. (or aspires to be one) I dunno, has he got a clipboard? > Bet you a bacon buttie Pete Young is a BSAC D.O. (or aspires to be one) >I dunno, has he got a clipboard? >> Bet you a bacon buttie Pete Young is a BSAC D.O. (or aspires to be one) And a beard and a commitee? Pete S. "Pete S." <spamPetespam@spamderwentspamelec.spamclara.spamco.spamuk> wrote... > >> Bet you a bacon buttie Pete Young is a BSAC D.O. (or aspires to be one) > And a beard and a commitee? I had better stay out of this, and I haven't got a beard ;-) Keith L (on some "committee" or other...) > Doom gloom doom gloom doom gloom. Is that better? More in line with > the charter? OK then, how about a compromise. If you want to post jokes and other off-topic stuff prefix it with something like 'OT:' in the subject line. This seems to work pretty well in other newsgroups. Pete Signature____________________________________________________________________ Pete Young pete@antipope.dot.org Remove .dot to reply "Just another crouton, floating on the bouillabaisse of life" > OK then, how about a compromise. If you want to post jokes and other > off-topic stuff prefix it with something like 'OT:' in the subject > line. This seems to work pretty well in other newsgroups. Actually I sort of assumed that it was off topic when the title was "Joke" or maybe I have missed something. Steve >> OK then, how about a compromise. If you want to post jokes and other >> off-topic stuff prefix it with something like 'OT:' in the subject >> line. This seems to work pretty well in other newsgroups. >> >Actually I sort of assumed that it was off topic when the title was >"Joke" or maybe I have missed something. Oi! Smartarse. Shutup. Pete S. > Actually I sort of assumed that it was off topic when the title was > "Joke" or maybe I have missed something. If the subject line is tagged with a known string, a newsreader can be set up to ignore it automatically. Pete Signature____________________________________________________________________ Pete Young pete@antipope.dot.org Remove .dot to reply "Just another crouton, floating on the bouillabaisse of life" >> Doom gloom doom gloom doom gloom. Is that better? More in line with >> the charter? [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > > Pete Pete, sorry - wrong place , wrong time, wrong everything. Don't know you - I'm having a bad time - I took it out on you. I'm used to the nastiest excesses of other usenet groups and my comments didn't belong here. I never apologise elsewhere on usenet, I've done it at least three times in this thread - must be losing it or I mean it! > Pete S. <spamPetespam@spamderwentspamelec.spamclara.spamco.spamuk> > spluttered indignantly: >> Lets lighten the mood a little:- > > Lets not. Lets stay on-topic for uk.rec.scuba, see the charter > for details. rec.humor.funny is down the hall. Why don't you go f.ck yourself, with you 'funny' signature. Isn't that banned as well? If jokes are against charter then what do you call that? Sad f.ckers use 'funny" sigs to 'try' to improve the overall quality of their shite post. Try some content in the message, rather than some bollocks tagged on automatically. Joke follows: <bad it is!> <f.ck off Pete Young, read no more - it is on topic, but humerous(ish) but you won't like.> <look , piss off Pete - was it pete@antipope.org I removed the dot as instructed - HTH> <i'll get there in a bit, but humour needs anticipation> Ok then, everyone but Pete still here? A pair of divers team up to go diving, one is 6"9, has all the latest gear , done 4 million dives and is wonderfull (Pete is that you?) the other , 3 ft 2, borrowed gear, doesn't know which way is up. Their first dive together is a disaster, they just can't do it. And - punchline coming, so piss of pete, its a joke hereon in: One turns to the other and says Its ok, we're just too diver(se). <just for pete> Two Divers Too Diverse No? f.ck you then. <put your own stupid "witty" remark in this space, I can't be arsed TAW I did not read all the previous post in this thread, just marked as read your last crept through. Pete can be a pain some of his post might be seen as agresive but yours should be over on rec.scuba. If you dont like dont read it. David > TAW I did not read all the previous post in this thread, just marked as > read your last crept through. Pete can be a pain some of his post might be > seen as agresive but yours > should be over on rec.scuba. If you dont like dont read it. > > David Sorry, had a bad day - have had my girfriend arrested twice in the last two days (four times in the last week). She's a manic depressive and is having a bad session, she's attacked me with bottles and fists - so i have to get her arrested for her own safety. And so to have 'charter quoters' saying jokes were off topic, was a bit of a red rag. > Sorry, had a bad day - have had my girfriend arrested twice in the last > two days (four times in the last week). [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > And so to have 'charter quoters' saying jokes were off topic, was a bit of > a red rag. No worries I understand all to well about depression and sorry is good enough for me not sure Pete will welcome you with open arms but hey life is like that. :-) David >> Sorry, had a bad day - have had my girfriend arrested twice in the last >> two days (four times in the last week). [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] > > David Update: She came around to my house today when I wasn't in and cos she couldn't get in, kicked open the door of the house next door and attacked the neighbour telling her "I'm from neighborhood watch, what are you doing in this house" - she then went back to her house and started kicking her neighbours fence down and when the chap aged about 60 asked her what she was doing, she kicked him in the b*lls. So she was arrested again, and this time the doctors have finally agreed that their persistance with 'care in the community' wasn't working and they have taken her into hospital for 28 days. Regards >and they have taken her into hospital for 28 days. much too much information David > >and they have taken her into hospital for 28 days. > much too much information Yeah - I have to wonder why, if this is really happening, why TAW is telling the world about it. Keep that sort of story as something personal - talk to your close friends and family, but its really not something for public newsgroups. David >> >and they have taken her into hospital for 28 days. >> much too much information [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > > David Yes, I apologise - the situation has really stressed me out over the past weeks and I wasn't thinking properly when I mentioned it here, its just its not the sort of thing you do talk about with 'mates' in the pub and I haven't been able to 'share' it with anyone. I won't refer to it again. > Yes, I apologise - the situation has really stressed me out over the past > weeks and I wasn't thinking properly when I mentioned > it here, its just its not the sort of thing you do talk about with 'mates' > in the pub and I haven't been able to 'share' it with anyone. > I won't refer to it again. Certainly sounds stressful (a very mild description i'd have thought...), don't worry about it. I don't object to you posting about it, just didn't seem like the sort of thing someone would usually share on a public forum - suppose it's probably good to just write it down, even if no one ever reads it or replies just writing it can help. Hope you get it all sorted somehow anyway - maybe once UKRS gets back to normal (its been very, ermmmm, 'confrontational' over the past few days...) everyone will be a bit more forgiving. David >> Yes, I apologise - the situation has really stressed me out over the past >> weeks and I wasn't thinking properly when I mentioned [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > > David Yeah, I'm a 'tough' guy normally but writing it down and posting it somewhere where no-one knows you personally helps you share the load when you carn't carry further yourself . I can't share it with my mum - she's 75., its f.cked me up and i'm crying as I type but she's now in safe hands. and i posted here in the first place because I feel diving is the complete opposite to what I've been getting from her lately (no hassle when underwatewr) -- but she stopped me diving because she ''knew I was sleeping with an instructor from the dive school" , and no - I wasn't. Sorry for sharing, but my brain is fried at the moment , please forgive and forget. "TAW" <aas@microsoft.com> wrote in message > Yes, I apologise - the situation has really stressed me out over the past > weeks and I wasn't thinking properly when I mentioned > it here, its just its not the sort of thing you do talk about with 'mates' > in the pub and I haven't been able to 'share' it with anyone. > I won't refer to it again. Just a suggestion, there are lots of newsgroups that do discuss this subject and you might get some constructive help from them. Search under "depression". I hope that you get through this OK, I know someone who suffered and her husband had to make some hard descisions to sort her out, but they got through it together. All the best Keith > "TAW" <aas@microsoft.com> wrote in message > [quoted text clipped - 15 lines] > > Keith Thanks. > Why don't you go f.ck yourself, with you 'funny' signature. Wrong newsgroup, you need rec.scuba which is just the type of thing you're looking for. Killfiled. K > Why don't you go f.ck yourself, with you 'funny' signature. Plonk. Alun Harford Welcome to my killfile Pete S. |
Reply to this Message |
 Sign In
 Join
 My Latest Posts My Monitored Threads My Blog My Photo Gallery My Profile My Homepage Start New Thread Enable EMail Alerts Rate this Thread
|
©2010 Advenet LLC Privacy Policy - Terms of Use
This website includes both content owned or controlled by Advenet as well as content owned or controlled by third parties.