History or Natural selection?

For those who don't know much about history, here is a condensed version.

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the
summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the
winter.

The two most important events in all of history were:

1. The invention of beer, and
2. The invention of the wheel

The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the
foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for
the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals
2. Conservatives

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning
of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were
invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting
for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery.
That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at
night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is
known as the Conservative movement. Other men who were weaker and less
skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up
for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair
dressing. This was the beginning of the liberal movement. Some of
these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known
as girlie-men.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of
cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of
Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that
conservatives provided.

Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest,
most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are
symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish, but like
their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard
liberal fare.

Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have
higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers,
personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and
group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter
rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide
for their women. Conservatives are Marines, Soldiers, big-game hunters,

rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors,

police officers, corporate executives, athletes, and generally anyone who
works

productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives

who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers
and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans
are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals
remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. The
liberals crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business
of trying to get more for nothing. Of course, in doing so the Liberals did

bring us our 49th and 50th States; great regard however, to the

Conservatives for manning those tall ships!

Here ends today's lesson in world history. It should be noted that a
Liberal may have a momentary urge to respond angrily to the above
before forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so
convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be
forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals
just to tick them off.

You know you are one or the other, that's why I sent it to you!