Subject: History lesson

For those that don't know a lotabout history...Here is a condensed
version...

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the
summer and
would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
beer
and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to
the
beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together
were the
catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals; and
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning
of
agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented
yet,
so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be
invented, they just stayed close to the brewery.

That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at
night
while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known
as
the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
off
the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the
sewing, fetching, and hairdressing. This was the beginning of the
Liberal
movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest
became
known as girlie-men or wussies. Some noteworthy liberal achievements
include
the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs,
and
the concept of voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that
conservatives provided.

Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest,
most
powerful land animal on earth; the elephant

Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

A few modern liberals like Mexican light beer (with lime added), but
most
prefer a chilled glass of Sauvignon Blanc,with passion fruit and kiwi
aromas
which are marked by grassy notes, then rounded out on the midpalate by
peach
flavors. Crisp and refreshing, with a hint of chalky minerality on the
finish; or Perrier bottled water. They eat raw fish but dislike beef.
Sushi,
tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have
higher
testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal
injury
attorneys, Ivy League professors, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood
and
group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated-hitter
rule
because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink Sam Adams, Harpoon IPA or Yuengling Lager. They
eat red
meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game
hunters,
rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical
doctors,
police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and
generally
anyone who works productively.

Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to
work
for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers
and
decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are
more
enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained
in
Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after
the
Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for
nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a
Liberal
may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before
forwarding
it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the
absolute
truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other
true
believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.