No sure if this is stupid or dumb luck.

Climbed up on the wrong boat,  didn't realize I was on the wrong boat.
sat down next to a really hot chick, started a conversation got her number
And then realized I was on the wrong boat.  (Red Faced)
Oh we did go out several times.

This one is funny.

It's 2nd lake dive for us, pre-certified, my buddy has washed out of
the program due to physical problems and I have to dive with a
stranger.  I'm diving with a Tusa Duo-air on the BC and Sherwood
primary, no octopus.  My new buddy is diving on a conventional setup,
with octopus.  We dive in a group of about 10 students, instructor and
2 assistant instructors to the bottom at 25 feet or so to do our
exercises.  The visibility is 6 feet or less and gets worse with
everyone crashing the bottom of the lake and stirring up the mud.
Everyone does their buoyancy control and mask flood exercises just
fine.  Time to share air.  My buddy is signaled to give the out of air
signal. My proper response should be to give him my primary and go
onto my Tusa.  He freaks when I give him my primary since he expected
me to present an octopus by hand or else by positioning so he could
grab it.  In the resulting confusion I grab my snorkel and put it in
my mouth instead of the Tusa and now the instructor is freaked because
he thinks I'm going to start breathing some lake water.  Fortunately I
realized what was wrong as he comes toward me with his octo, and I
transfer back to the Tusa and give him the stop sign, then OK.  We
three sign the OK all around and I transfer back to primary.  I show
the buddy the layout of my rig and sign that I will give him primary
and transfer to Tusa.  He signs a nod and OK and we finish the
exercises.

Moral of story:  ALWAYS familiarize your buddy with your equipment on
the surface BEFORE you dive.  Always get familiar with your buddy's
equipment on the surface before you dive.  This is what buddy checks
are all about.  THINK about every move you make while diving.

I now dive with an octo, so I am essentially triple redundant on 2nd
stages, the primary, the octopus and the Tusa Duo-air.  I make it a
point to explain my rig to new buddies while we are gearing up for a
dive.

180 ft... Diving independent AL80s plus an octo on one of the 1st stages...
Breathing off of one 2nd stage, but checking the pressure gauge for the
other tank... Breathed on it awhile, wondering why the pressure didn't seem
to be decreasing in the tank...

Early 1980s... Double AL80s, J-valves, no SPG, cave dive in Ponce deLeon
Springs in Florida... First time in the cave... Had explored an offshoot of
the main cave and came back to the fixed line in the cave... Was getting
about time to start heading back out, so I started following the line...
Followed it for awhile and didn't recognize anything... Finally came across
a piece of PVC pipe on the line was an arrow marked on it saying the the
exit was the OTHER way... When I finally got to the exit (a manhole size
opening in the bottom of the pool/lake), I just swam through it... It shot
me out of there like a bottle rocket... Couldn't dump air from the BC fast
enough to prevent being rocketed to the surface... Had weird bubbling
feeling in my stomach... Dumped all my air from my BC and went back down to
the bottom and sat there until I was nearly out of air as a sort of impromtu
in-water recompression...

I'm sure reading this group rates right up there.

Doing open water check outs.
The head instructor and a student went missing over lunch break.
Sent a student looking for his missing girlfriend over to the head
instructor's van to see if their dive gear was still there.
The guy came back all mad.
His girlfriend was giving the head guy head.
At least we found where both of them where...

T

bllfs6@aol.com (BllFs6) pounded away at his keyboard resulting in:

The dumbest thing that I ever did was when I decided to test the
compression of my wetsuit.  The drill was to follow an intake pipe
down to about 80 ft or so, dump all the air from the BC and ditch the
weights.  By the way, this was a 7mm john and jacket, and I was
wearing a 22 lb weight belt.

Slight problem, forgot to dump the air from the BC.  Good thing
another part of the plan was to tie a rope to the intake pipe, just in
case the suit still had buoyancy.  So, when I dropped the weight belt,
I went up like a kite, for about 5 ft, or, the end of the rope.

I forget how I got out of that predicament, because I was basically
upside down, and there was no bottom dump on the BC.  I do remember,
though, that once I got all the air out of the BC, I was very close to
being neutral, perhaps even a tad negative.

Dan Bracuk
If at first you don't succeed, you run the risk of failure.
The Best of rec.scuba http://www.pathcom.com/~bracuk/RecScuba/

I've jumped in without a weight belt on, but I guess everyone does that at
least once or twice.

The stupidest thing was using half my air going *downstream* in a river.
(It was a long walk back.)

Stupidest.  Twice I have seen divers throw their gear on over their
heads and clip another diver.

Funniest.  My wife peeled off her wet suit and took her bathing suit
with it.

I was diving with some other rec.scubans when one of the guys decided at
80 ft it would be cool to take a picture (for one of the ladies of
rec.scuba he called a "mother hen") of him with no gear on. Without
warning us, he took off all of his gear, including his weight integrated
BC. His idea was to catch the BC on his foot, but he missed, and the BC
went to the bottom and he started to rise (he was wearing maybe 40
square feet of neoprene). A couple of us got him under control, and I
gave him my long hose. One of the newbies in the group went after the
BC, but he could not lift it off the bottom, so one of the more
experienced guys went down and put some air in it and brought it up to
meet us. When the gearless wonder put on the BC with air in it, he went
rocketing upward, with my reg in his mouth. I went after him, and it was
like having the Macy's Popeye balloon (come to think of it, it was the
day after Thanksgiving) on the end of my long hose. The guy dropped my
reg, and waved me off as he put his own reg in his mouth and disappeared
upward. He rejoined us on the bottom a few minutes later. In true
rec.scuba form, one of the other guys made a hand motion like he was
cocking a pistol and shooting the errant diver. I still LMAO every time
I think about it.

Not stupidest but not the smartest
I let one of my students give me some head in between dives - her
boyfriend came looking for her and found us in the van!

Hi Bill

Easy;

Moved 3700 miles to go to work for Big Bob.

I'll think of more later, when I have had a couple belts...

How about...

Going on a sex / diving hoilday in Cuba, packing all kinds of condoms.
Having the weather move in so no diving all week.
Then the wife shows up.
Finds all the condoms.
So you have to pretend that you knew she was coming...
Now you have to have sex with her all week, while the girlfriend has
to sleep in an old beat up rental car with no ac in driving rains from
tropical storms.
The wife starts to catch on, so the girlfriend who is a knock out.
Has to play kissy face with the only single guy on the trip.
Who happens to be a lets say, would have to sneak up on a glass of
water with a bar of soap.
She ends up stay in his room for a price.

I never laugh so hard in my life because we all knew.

cash
a.s
or gas
nobody rides for free.

T

Scariest was on my very first check out dive, in the Carribean off of a
cattle boat. My instructor and three other students strode in first and
I forgot to hold my reg while holding my mask when I did my giant
stride. It was a high transom and the mouth piece popped off the reg.
Not realizing that I had no reg (mouthpiece still clenched nervously in
my teeth), I got a big dose of salt water for my first official ocean
breath. Fortunately, I had some air in my BC anyway and bobbed right to
the surface. Unfortunately, I was surrounded by a zillion small
jellyfish, wearing only a shorty. I had to carefully snorkel through the
chop and denizens back to the boat and switch regs. The boat ride had
already made me nauseous, plus I was nervous on my first dive, and now I
was bobbing in the sea with the stingy critters. Yeesh. A wonder that I
didn't blow chum. To my enduring credit, I went back in and finished
that dive, uneventfully. Definitely the dive from hell for a rank beginner.

Lesson learned: sh.t happens ... deal with it properly.

Stupidist was a year later, on a dive in the Keys. After a nice dive, I
 went to turn off my tank valve, only to realize that it was barely
partially opened. I had not checked it before diving. Another half turn
and it would have given no air. It had been rigged by the boat crew.

Lesson learned: Rig your own F*&%ing Gear! Check, recheck your gear and
do a proper buddy check.

Bart F.

About 30 years ago while diving at a spring-fed lake called "Vortex Springs"
in Florida, I saw 2 guys & a gal on the surface & she was crying
hysterically. They all had on Scuba gear & she kept telling them "But I'm
afraid". They were both really pissed at her. I assumed they wanted her to
put her head under water to show her she could breathe. I watched them for a
few minutes & never did see her go under. Now there is a cave at this lake &
several divers have died in it. Not being a cave diver I didn't go very far
into the cave. The cave runs 400 ft, then you come to a street stop sign.
Only the most experienced divers go beyond this sign. (I've never been to
the sign) The water is the clearest & the coldest I've ever been in. After
30 minutes it gives me an "Ice-cream headache" (no hood) So I get out of the
water & spend a couple of hours working on my tan. When I got ready to
leave, I see these same 3 people again, getting out of the water, she is all
excited & was gushing happily "It was so cool to see the stop sign"!  Those
2 idiots had drug a non-diver 300 ft into a cave. None of them was rigged
for caving. It still gives me the creeps when I think of what could have
happened.

It's always the times when you're showing off...

I was standing on the gunwhale of a big ol' Thai fishing boat, and stupidly
tried a somersault entry for the video that someone was shooting. Just as I
launched myself, the boat jinked in the choppy water, I slipped and ended up
doing a spreadeagled entry from 6 feet up. My mask shattered in my face. I
was lucky and didn't get a single scratch, but I did get the nickname
'Faceplant' from that day!

Benedict.

During my first diving cruise I forgot to take my computer on a dive
and, once I realized that, decided to go on with the dive rather than
go back to fetch it. I thought that, by diving conservatively
thereafter, I would more or less compensate for that. Which was fairly
stupid considering that we were doing 4/5 dives per day.

Thanksfully a DM on board had seen that I had forgotten my computer,
took it with him and brought it to me underwater, so I never had to
test how this would have worked.

Cheers,

Froggy